I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
