Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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