Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
