I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
