omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize