True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
