she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
