I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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