i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize