I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
