I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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