I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
