A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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