He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
