he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I did not marry a roomba.
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