stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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