He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I look better un-naked...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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