First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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