How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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