I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize