your thong is hanging out like whoa
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is my gift to your gina
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
