So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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