There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
