Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
