New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
