I should be sponsored by Trojan
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
