I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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