Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
