There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
