I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Please, let me fuck your mom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize