Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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