I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
