I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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