so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
