Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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