Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
