I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
