just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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