New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize