I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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