I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
