She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize