Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
worst night to have a conscience
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
