I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize