We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I die, sorry about rent.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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