I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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