You're my little dorito
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
