She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
