i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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