Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
