True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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