I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
