Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize