I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
