mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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