Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
