I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
