I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
