take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize