in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
