scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
