i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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