Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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