I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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