I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
pray to the hookup gods
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize