census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
