So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
