i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
