I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
